Newborn stress!
Q: My partner and I have been SO stressed since our baby was born! What do we do?
Parenting infants, toddlers, and young children is intense work! In the best of circumstances this period is characterized by the need for selfless and vigilant care. There can be other complications such as colic or postpartum depression that make this time even harder.
It’s amazing that such a little being, that carries the deepest, most instinctual hopes and dreams of his or her parents can also bring about a level of change and stress that strains the parental relationship to the breaking point. Even typical developmental changes such as learning to walk or teething can add to the stress level by disrupting sleep or making the baby more fussy.
Oh! And let’s not forget that so many of us are now spending some or all of our work days at home, trying to fulfill the obligations of the workplace while caring for our families!
My recommendation to all new parents is to take a handful of deep breaths and a long look at your partner. The person you are paired with was and is the same loving, capable adult who is now the parent of a child with you. When young children are in the mix, one or both parents may feel overworked. Truth be told, chances are you’re BOTH overworked.
It’s time to call in the calvary…grandparents, friends, aunts, and uncles, even a babysitter!
It is imperative that you take care of your relationship almost like you would another child. The attachment between two parents needs to be nurtured and attended to. Take time for a snuggle; curl up on the sofa together, have a grown up meal every week or so. If you’re lucky enough to get a sitter, go out for a walk, get dressed and go to dinner, be in the moment together.
When my children were small (they’re now 21, 19, and 17!) l used to say a good day was when I shaved both legs!
Take a moment to cherish your relationship. More importantly, take a moment to cherish your partner. Do something that brings you joy together. A happy home is not an accident. It’s an intentional result of energy invested and reinvested in the care of your relationship and your partner.
Some daily ideas that can make a partner feel appreciated.
Do the laundry from soup to nuts… wash it, dry it, fold it, put it away.
Bring home a flower or flowers.
Remember birthdays and anniversaries without reminders.
Take turns holding the baby while you shower.
Do the dishes.
Prep dinner.
Make breakfast.
Pack lunches.
Somebody recently asked me how I’d learned this. It really came from observation over the years when my babies were small, as well as since then. I sometimes wonder if things would have been different for my family if someone had said this to us…
