Naptime Battles
Q. : My child is fighting naptime, but is grumpy the rest of the day! What do i Do?
I truly empathize with parents and caregivers in this situation. This is a really challenging area of growth. Parents and caregivers rely on naptime to rest and rejuvenate and, sometimes, to get things done! What is going on when a tired child is fighting naptime?
Let’s start with a look at where you came from. When babies are first born their days look more or less like this: Eat, Sleep, Poop. Eat, Sleep, Poop. There tends to be one longer period of sleep and when we’re lucky, that period happens between about 12AM and 5AM, enabling us to get some grownup quality sleep.
Eventually these periods of sleep lengthen. Frequent naps combine to allow for lengthier periods of wakefulness punctuated by a morning and afternoon nap. During this process, called sleep consolidation, babies and young children become more aware of their environments as well as the people in them. Their eating changes. They teethe. They play and their personalities begin to shine through.
At some point between approximately 3 and 5 or 6 years of age, children give up their naps. Usually the morning nap goes first. It’s when the afternoon nap goes that things get harder.
During this transition it can be challenging for a child to sustain his/her energy throughout the day, and this can be hard on everyone! Tantrums may ensue as tired children try to make it through to bedtime.
Parents, caregivers, and daycare teachers alike, may all press the issue of nap time, rocking, patting, driving, and arguing a child to sleep. The truth is, this is a losing battle. Nature will take its course! I’m going to say it and it’s going to be hard to hear. Sleep consolidation is a natural part of growing up, a milestone even. The best we can do is make it as easy on everyone as possible.
Parents and caregivers will need to adjust their own expectations for what their days will look like. Gone are the days when naps allow you to breathe and take a break.
So what can a caregiver do? Ideally, let the child choose. “Is it a napping day? No, okay. Let’s do an art project (or play a game, or cuddle and read a story).” It is appropriate to support your child in having a half hour or so of quiet time. They can play quietly or look at books independently, or you can join them…whatever feels comfortable for you. For some children, a half hour may be too much. You know your child best. All of these ideas can be adjusted to suit your family’s situation.
Breaking up the day with a brief quiet time, then spending the afternoon in active play can really help a child through this rough patch. Daycares can have an indoor and/or outdoor area for “resters” who don’t want to rest! When I was a teacher we used to have a period of playtime we called “Whisper Play” that helped the non-napping kids remember to be quiet for the nappers. For kids with younger siblings this can also be a precious time when they can have a parent or caregiver all to themselves again.
The bottom line is we want to encourage the child’s capacity to listen to the body and self-regulate. By asking your child if it’s a napping day, they get to communicate their needs to you and see that you’re going to listen to them. This not only encourages a sense of agency in your child, it builds on the trusting relationship you’ve already established by listening and responding to their cues from the day they were born.
