Struggling with your teen?
Q: I’m exhausted. I’m reading all the books and up at the crack of dawn with my kids. What do I do now?
This question came from a parent of a teen who was spinning out of control and had recently been sent to a treatment program. She was feeling the weight of her child’s behavior, the relief that he was getting help, her family’s judgment, her fears for the future, and the challenge of her own involvement in the therapeutic process. My recommendation to her would be my recommendation to any parent, even from a less extreme circumstance.
Put the books down for a minute and find some space for just you. Find one or more activities that challenge you to be strong. This can be physically strong, mentally strong, spiritually strong or, ideally, all of the above!
I’m not crazy about the over-used recommendations for self care. Of course self care is an important part of feeling good, but parents often live in a kind of starvation mode - one of constant output and very little input. Over time, especially with complicated children that demand a lot from us, we almost forget how to exist as a full person in the contexts of home and family.
It wasn’t until my children were much older that I found my way to Tae Kwon Do. Our dojang used to say, “the family that kicks together sticks together!” Well only my youngest stayed with it, but as I grew in my practice, the effects on myself and my family were profound. My children had a new sense of pride in me. I found myself having a firmer, clearer voice and protecting the space I needed to attend to my Tae Kwon Do practice. As I stepped (and am stepping) into my own power, my children can’t help but follow.
If you don’t immediately have something you can do that makes you feel strong, that’s okay! Spend 5 minutes today closing your eyes and thinking about what might help you feel strong. You may be surprised. Something from the past might come to mind, or maybe something brand new that you’re curious about.
It’s natural that some of the things that brought us joy would drift away as we begin to grow a family. For me, waiting in the wings are yoga, meditation, and music. One of my girlfriends has rekindled her love of dance. Another friend recently took up painting.
I am taking the first steps towards writing a blog!
These kinds of activities, big and small, are of value. They give us relief, allow us to pursue personal joy, and give us a space to explore who we are outside of all that we do in our day to day lives.
I know that this doesn’t fix everything, but what it does do is give you space to make room for the care and keeping of you, so you can better care for your family.
Whether you’re a parent looking for guidance or a family in need of support, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to create a thriving home environment where everyone feels heard, loved, and understood.
